i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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