I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
