I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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