Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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