so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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