What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
