you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
