I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
