elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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