now i know why i became what i already was.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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