If i come over, it means nothing
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
