I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
