the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
