the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
