I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
