Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
