SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
