i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
