some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
