My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
