Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
