Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize