she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
