am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize