Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
