so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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