I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I didn't notice because vodka
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
