i just had sex bonerless
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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