Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
