We're facebook friends in real life
So drunk its hurt
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
