I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize