$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
