bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
