Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
