new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
