Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I am available for nakedness
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
