I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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