I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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