things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
