But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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