He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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