Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my phone needs a breathalizer
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize