Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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