we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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