I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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