you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
