Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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