you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
