I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
