Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
