I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
