Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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