We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
