Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
