I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
