Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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