i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
