he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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