hotel room ftw
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
