they need to just BURY HIM!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
