I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
