apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i think i have two assholes
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
