She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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