It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
