a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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