HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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