You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
