sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
