I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
