You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Oh god it's open bar.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
