I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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