Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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