Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
