some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
