i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Your cock deserves a montage
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
