I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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