You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
