I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
