why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
found the other keg... it's in the tree
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
